Monday, October 24, 2011

Caleb and Grief

We couldn't stop squeezing our big little boy today when we first saw him,
and he couldn't stop giggling.
Words can't express how wonderful it is to be with him again.

This afternoon, we gathered Caleb together with his seven cousins.
We sat in a circle, and Brandon shared again the story of Jude's life.
The children were sad.  Some cried and some asked questions.
They asked such good questions.

Caleb's reaction was sweet.  He said again and again, "Ohhh..."
And then he asked, "Why did Baby Jude die?"
"Why won't we be able to see him for a long time?"
"Why can't I be with my brother?"
"Can we buy another baby?"
"And can we name him Jude?"

After we talked with the kids and heard their questions,
Brandon asked if anyone wanted to pray.
Immediately, Caleb raised his hand.
"Dear God, thank You for Baby Jude.
Thank You for his surgery.
Thank You for (he proceeds to name everyone in the room.)
In dear God name, Amen."

We are just beginning the process of grieving and mourning our sweet, sweet baby.
And, we felt that the Lord gave us a good start with Caleb today.
Thank you for praying.

And as we enter this part of the journey,
I don't want to forget a thing.

I find myself working to remember
the feel of holding his tiny, flexible little hand
or stroking the soft hair on his head.
I want to never forget his sweet, sweet scent
and the softness of the skin on his neck and back.
I want to hold on to what it felt like to kiss not only his sweet, soft cheeks
but also the tape that kept the tube in place that allowed my baby to breathe.
I want the weight and warmth of his body the times I held him
to be burned forever in my memory.

Lord, thank You again for the gift of our baby.
Thank You that You gave us the name Jude Matthew
knowing before we even imagined
how much You would be "praised" through his life...
and just how much of a "gift of God" he would be to so many.
 Amen.

12 comments:

Katie said...

Pelton family, you are on my heart and in my prayers continually.

Dean Howard said...

Thinking about you guys and praying for the whole family. All life is a gift and your witness and testimony is a great example. Praise to God for His mercy and grace. May He continue to comfort you.

Dean Howard

amyfaith said...

Agreeing with Dean Howard in my prayers for you, Brandon & Caleb. All life is a gift and your witness and testimony is a great example. Praise to God for His mercy and grace. May He continue to comfort you.
love & prayers from colorado.

Heather said...

My thoughts and prayers are with you at this time. I pray God will help you and your family remember the times you had with him. Love in Christ, Heather Zimmerman Morr

Anonymous said...

Our prayers continue for you ... Madeline in her sweet 4-year-old prayers have changed from "God, please let baby Jude have a good day" to "God, I know baby Jude is having a great day in Heaven with you." Sweet friend, know how much we love you all and are here for you. -- Adrienne

Karis King said...

You are right, Mandy ... how God was praised both by and through Jude (and through you Brandon too). Our family continues to pray for you. We will pray for comfort, peace, understanding for Caleb and will pray that you can remember all of those precious moments. We love you!

kktennessee said...

Bless his heart, can we buy another brother.. :) I love the things kids say in prayers. Praying for little Caleb as well as your entire family. Much love. Karen (Shrieve) Griffin

Anonymous said...

Thanking God for all that Jude did to serve Him in his short time here. Thanking Him that this place is not home for any of us as His Children. Thanking God that we all will be together one day at the feet of Jesus and once again see all who have already gone home. Praying for the emptiness in your lives that only He can fill. And He will someday.

Sharon Gwin

Laura said...

You all remain in my prayers each day as you grieve the loss of your dear baby boy. May God comfort you and grant you peace as only He can.

rich menninger said...

Psalm 116:15

Leslie said...

Praying for peace for your family as you mourn the loss of precious little Jude. Praise God for his little life and the impact he made on so many people, in a short amount of time.

I just wanted to tell you again how much I have really enjoyed spending Wed. nights with Caleb at Awana Cubbies and getting to know him these last few weeks. He is a VERY sweet, and polite little boy! I am really going to miss seeing his smiley little face every week. I am so thankful you are with him again though! Hugs to your sweet family!

magandaconfessions said...

I stumbled across your blog through a mutual friend and have been following for the past few weeks. I am a '97 MCS grad and I took photos on yearbook staff with Michael. I just wanted to tell you that I can't stop praying for you and your family. God is our comfort in every storm and you are not alone in your sorrow. I hold on to hope that one day I will meet the baby I lost through miscarriage just as I hope that you and Jude will meet again some day. Thank you for sharing Jude. He definitely touched my heart and reminded me to cherish every day with my little ones. God bless your family. Michelle Martin

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