One Month

Jude is one month old today.  We had a good day with him overall, with helpful conversations with doctors and quality time spent together reading and holding hands.

We learned more about the surgeon's guarded prognosis for healing.  He is really concerned about our little boy's nutritional status.  His body has not been getting what it needs due to the heart condition, and it has been preventing his tissues from healing as they should.

Tonight we noticed that the dressing covering his head was soaked with some yellowish-red liquid.  We don't know what it is and won't know any more until tomorrow, but my heart broke when I saw it.  It could mean nothing, but it's hard to believe that.

In the car before we left the hospital, I broke down...questioning God and why things are happening the way they are.  I asked Him to help me not grow hard-hearted towards Him...or try to self-protect. I was honest and broken as I cried out to Him.  When we got home, we spent more time together before the Lord.

As only He can, He is meeting me again.  My friend, Sarah, has a little boy with a serious congenital heart defect.  He had his first heart surgery one year ago this week. On their blog tonight, Sarah posted again their post from the day he had his surgery.  They thought they had lost him.  She has a photo up of her son that day and a photo of her son today.  It's amazing to see what God has done.

She wrote the following, but I could have written it myself:

I remember specifically thinking about what my life would look like a year from that day. I asked so many questions. “Will our little man be with us? Will he make it off of life support? Will we celebrate his first birthday? Will I ever get to take a deep breath again? Will I get to see our baby grow into a handsome little boy?”

Read all of what she shared here.

Sarah's husband is Matt Hammitt, the lead singer of Sanctus Real.  He wrote an album about Bowen while Sarah was pregnant, and I have been eagerly waiting for it.  The Lord has already used the first two singles All of Me and Holding You so significantly during this season of our lives.  And, tonight I learned that the rest of the album, Every Falling Tear, has been released.  I can't stop listening to it.  Lord, thank You for meeting us so personally and caring for us so well. 

And, Sarah, please tell Matt thank you. 

Click below to read lyrics to some of these songs:  

 All of Me

Matt Hammitt

Afraid to love, something that could break,
Could I move on, if you were torn away?
I'm so close to what I can't control
I can't give you half my heart, and pray He makes you whole

You're gonna have all of me, you're gonna have all of me, 

Cause you're worth every fallen tear, you're worth facing every fear
You're gonna know all my love, even if it's not enough
Enough to mend our broken hearts, giving you all of me is where I'll start.

I won't let sadness steal you from my arms
I won't let pain keep you from my heart
Trade the fear of all that I could lose, for every moment I share with you
You're gonna have all of me, you're gonna have all of me,
Cause you're worth every fallen tear, you're worth facing any fear
You're gonna know all my love, even if it's not enough
Enough to mend our broken hearts, giving you all of me is where I'll start.

Heaven broke into this moment, it's too wonderful to speak
You're worth all of me, you're worth all of me
So let me recklessly love you, even if I bleed
You're worth all of me, you're worth all of me

You're gonna have all of me, you're gonna have all of me,
Cause you're worth every fallen tear, you're worth facing any fear
You're gonna know all my love, even if it's not enough
Enough to mend our broken hearts, giving you all of me is where I'll start

You're gonna have all of me,
Cause you're worth every fallen tear, you're worth facing any fear
You're gonna know all my love, even if it's not enough
Enough to mend our broken hearts, giving you all of me is where I'll start
It's where I'll start

Trust
Matt Hammitt

Lest I'm tempted to forget
I'll tie your love around my neck
I'll write your words upon my heart
Lord, I won't forget how good you are

I'll dwell upon your faithfulness
I'll rest within your promises
And, when I'm walking through the dark
Lord, I won't forget how good you are

I will trust
I will trust you
I will trust you, Lord, with all my heart
And, I won't forget how good you are
No, I won't forget how good you are

You gave me everything I have
And my whole life is in your hands
And when what I fear is closing in
Lord, your faithfulness will never end
Your faithfulness will never end

And even in the darkness
Even in the questions

Even when the hardest times of life are at hand

Oh, I will trust
I will trust you
I will trust you, Lord, with all my heart

I will trust
I will trust you
I will trust you, Lord, with all my heart
And I won't forget how good you are
No, I won't forget how good you are

Oh, even in the darkness
Even in the questions

Even when the hardest times of life are at hand

Even in the darkness
Even in the questions
Even in the times that I'm not meant to understand

 Let it Bring You Praise

Matt Hammitt

Lord, you created me

Perfectly shaping me

I know my heart is safe in your arms

Lord, you know everything

So when I feel afraid

I put my faith in you

This life is yours to give

So with each new day

Let every breath that I take

Let it bring you praise 

Bring you praise

For i am fearfully and wonderfully made

When you choose to take

Let it bring you praise

Reminding the world that heaven awaits

Let it bring you praise

Before I even speak

You know my every need

All that I am is because you are

You know my heart

You know my heart

Let it bring you praise

Bring you praise

For I am fearfully and wonderfully made

When you choose to take

Let it bring you praise

Reminding the world that heaven awaits

Let it bring you praise

Before I was born

You numbered my days

The story is yours

I'm just a page

With every word I want to proclaim

Let my life proclaim

Let it bring you praise