We still can't begin to express how much love we have felt from friends and family. To those of you who have written on Facebook and this blog, please know that we are soooo grateful for your love for us. Some friends printed out tonight a few of the things that were said, and I read them to Jude a little while ago. As I read prayers, it was really fun to see that God has been answering specific prayers people have prayed...such as peace for us...and to know His love...and guidance. So, thanks so much. And, if you feel led, please keep writing out prayers. I am about to go join Brandon with Jude when the little man is done visiting with Uncle Jeff. When I do, I am bringing the computer this time so I can read aloud the messages you guys have written. I haven't had time to read them myself, so I am looking forward to it. :-)
Today has been another long, crazy day...with many talks with doctors, lots of crying, and lots of praying. The Lord has walked us through it, and it is definitely a moment by moment journey. I will try to summarize it briefly.
He didn't have the MRI done today because of his instability. He had a pretty rough day. His blood pressure has continued fluctuating considerably. It seems that much of the day, the numbers have flashed angrily telling the nurses it's too high or too low. Sweetly though, they seem to calm down when we are at his bedside.
The head of the department came in to talk with us today to basically let us know how very severe his problems are. She said that in all of her time in this field, she hasn't seen many babies with brain images this severe. She explained that there is a chance that, just like the neurosurgeon at Pres wouldn't operate on him because of his heart defects, the cardiac surgeon over at Pres might not operate on his heart defects because of what is happening in his brain. She was basically presenting us with the decision of continuing to pursue the treatments or take him off life support. It was the fourth time we have been approached with this...all by different people. So, as you can imagine, these have been incredibly difficult days.
We fully believe in God's power to heal. We know that He is good and that He loves us and that we can trust Him. We know that He is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine. He can heal Baby Jude. We don't know if that is His plan or not, but we are going to give Him every opportunity to do it.
If the Lord does call our baby boy home with Him, we are forever going to treasure these days we have with him. They have been so sweet, and we are growing more and more in love with our son every hour. A few days ago, I realized that I was holding back part of my heart from him out of self protection. The Lord showed that to me, and I confessed it and prayed for help to give him everything. He answered that prayer, and the sweetness of these past few days (especially the quiet nights) I wouldn't trade for anything in the world.
If the Lord lets us take him home to Cruces, he is quite possibly going to face severe disabilities...possibly more challenging than anything we can even imagine at this point. We don't know. He does though. And, we are going to walk the road He has for us. It will be a hard road, but there will be much purpose and joy in it...and there will be Jude. :-) And, He will enable us to do whatever He calls us to. As I said though, we fully believe that God can heal our little boy. We also believe that He can do incredible things through children and adults with disabilities. We believe they have much to teach us and much to give us. And, we have much love to give Jude.
We don't know what the Lord has for us...but we know Him. We know that He is our Father, and "every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like the shifting shadows (James 1:17)." Jude's middle name is Matthew. It means, "gift of God." This little boy is truly a gift from our very good Father.