What it Means to Be Loved

As I mentioned before, God uses music in my life. And, this song is one more example. While I don't think that I would have ever listened to Mark Schultz before (despite the fact that he's a Lambda Chi alum at K-State...like Brandon), this song and the story behind it might change that.   His wife had worked with a woman at a hospital who had recently been told her baby wouldn't live past a year.  She had been advised to terminate, but instead she had decided to love the baby as long as she could.

Schultz writes this: 

Inspired by this family’s story, my wife continued to look at the implications for our own family. She said, “Since you’re adopted I think we should adopt kids too.” I said, “Ok that’s fine.” She said, “I think we should adopt kids maybe with special needs.” And I said, “Ok, that seems like a tall order.” She continued, “Maybe someday we adopt kids with special needs that the doctor only knows they’re going to live for a year or two.” I responded, “Honey, why would we do that?” And my wife said, “Because before they go to heaven, I want them to know what a great Christmas is like and I want them to know what a great birthday is like and let them know that they were loved well before they get to heaven and realize that love. I want them to know that they were loved here on earth and celebrate them here.”



When I hear this story, I think of my friend who told me yesterday that she and her husband are wanting to adopt possibly two children with special needs...inviting suffering into their lives in order to experience God's love more fully and live out that love for his children. 

When I hear this story, I think of our friends Liz and Matt whose baby was diagnosed with a chromosomal disorder while Liz was pregnant. Though they knew their baby wouldn't live much past birth, they chose to carry Hope anyway.  I envied the intimacy they were experiencing with God as they walked through it.  

When I hear this story, I think of my friend Sarah whose baby, Bowen, has HLHS. The left side of his heart is severely underdeveloped, and the condition is fatal without open heart surgery. I wrote about the songs her husband wrote for him in this post and this post.

When I hear this story, I think of my husband's aunt and uncle, who had two children with a very rare genetic disorder called Mucolipidosis type III that gave them only three years to live. To hear Laura talk about it with a heart full of faith in a good God brings tears to my eyes even now. 

God is so good.  

My friend, Holly, wrote this blog post recently

about a little girl with DS who really needed to be adopted.

Caleb and I prayed for her again yesterday.
Just now, I checked out the website again and saw that   

she now has a family!! 

God is so good.

The Summer Bucket List: An End-of-Summer Progress Report

So, technically it's not the end of the summer yet.  It is starting to feel like it, however.  There is much to do... not only to get ready to leave on Friday for an unknown amount of time, but also to start ministry planning for the fall and get as ready as we can to bring home a very loved little boy. 

We knew the time would go fast.  We also knew that this would be the last time together as a family of three with a relatively easy schedule.  So, to take advantage of the extra time we had, Caleb and I made a summer bucket list.  I got the idea of a list (and many of the activities) from this post I had linked to earlier, and the bucket idea from this blog.  Although we were pretty ambitious in what we thought we could accomplish, we had so much fun trying out new activities such as making rainbow rice, drawing with sidewalk chalk in the rain, and making sailboats out of juice boxes.  We also checked out new places we have always intended to visit such as a train museum here in town and a space museum in Alamo.  We even attempted sledding (finally) at White Sands.  The only one who actually made it down a dune was Koala.  Caleb was too scared, and I was too pregnant.  Brandon was in Colorado.  :-)

We're unsure how long we'll be up north...or how much time we'll have before baby.  But, besides doctor's appointments, we should have plenty of free time.  So, what are some fun, (preferably free) things to do in Albuquerque?  I'd love any suggestions.  :-)

To bring you up to date...

 On Thursday, we made our last day trip up to Albuquerque.  Several important decisions were made.

They include:

• We are moving up there next Friday, August 5th...earlier than I had originally thought.
• If he hasn't made his appearance yet, I will be induced on August 30th.
• I will continue to be seen weekly by both the OB and the perinatologist.

Other updates include: 

• The baby has dropped and has moved into position.  Please pray he goes full term.
• My mom will be spending much of the month there with us.  She gets into town on the 10th.
• She got a great deal (practically half price) on her extended stay hotel, and so she got us a room too!  So, we have a place to stay during the weeks before Little One comes...and we'll be near her.
• I can sleep!  Since the day we asked for prayer in our June newsletter, I have slept amazingly ever since...after 5 weeks of serious insomnia.  Such a great God!
• Baby is growing at a normal rate.  Everything still looks good.
• I think we have a name...that we will keep secret until he is born.  I have such a hard time not telling every store clerk and friend who asks, however.  And, I am notorious for changing my mind. So, we'll see...

Random things to mention:

• People (including doctors) in Albuquerque refer to Las Cruces as "up there," even though we're three hours south. I think it's the weirdest thing.
• Have I mentioned that our doctors up there are incredible?  I am trying to convince our OB to move down here.  She's considering it.  :-) 
• In fact, there are several people we like a whole lot up there.  Sweet blessing.

So, now we have less than a week to prepare for the month(?)-long stay up north...as well as to prepare for the baby and life after baby.  I had plenty of ambitious plans for nesting that won't happen.  I probably could have spent less time on Pinterest and more time organizing our home and filling my freezer with some of the meals I intended to cook.  Oh well.  We get to come back with a baby!  And, Brandon's a great cook.  :-)

Thanks again so much for reading this...

and for caring.

We feel very loved

by everyone who has

written, prayed, called,

texted, fed us, etc. 

We praise God for you!

New name. Same message.

Caleb went a little crazy with all the "talks" we watched...though these faces are pretty typical when I pull the camera out.
Steve Sellers is in the background doing a Q&A session for staff.

This is how we spent much of this last week:  in front of a computer watching a live stream of Campus Crusade's staff conference at CSU in Fort Collins, Colorado.  Brandon was able to attend the first three days of the event, and Caleb and I watched from home.  It was such a unique and fun way to experience the conference, and I am so thankful for the opportunity to hear from our leadership as well as some amazing speakers...even from so far away. 

If you haven't heard, it was announced last Tuesday that the US branch of Campus Crusade for Christ is changing its name to Cru.  We are excited about the change, as we have already been using it here in the campus ministry since 2007.  Along with the change, many people have had reservations about the new name, and the media has created something of a negative firestorm as well.  Several articles have been written up that will hopefully address these concerns, and I have included some below.  If you have any questions or concerns, please feel free to contact me or Brandon.  :-)

Name Change

Frequently Asked Questions

Commitment to Jesus 

I love this organization.  The Lord changed my life my freshman year of college through Campus Crusade, and He continues to do so in the lives of countless others.  Having heard from our president, VP, and others this week, I am more confident than ever that this is an organization that is seeking after the heart of God.

(Added later):  And, since I respect John Piper so much, read his thoughts here! 

Embracing the Eye Patch

He's adjusting quickly.

And, yes, Kel, he would enjoy being a pirate...

and was one on this Halloween.

 He already has his "arrrrgh" down.

It just takes me too long in the mornings

to remember the eye patch...much less color it in.
:-)
Happy Thursday.

Linking up here: 

Here we go again...

In July of '09, Caleb was diagnosed with intermittent exotropia.  His eyes would drift out at a mild angle...small enough that we were the only ones who usually noticed it.  We did several months of patching and were able to avoid surgery.

Lately, we have been noticing that it has been getting worse.  So, on Monday we saw the doctor.  And, thankfully he could see what we see.  We are now back to patching for the next two months...hoping to avoid surgery and correct his vision.  Last night, when he took his patch off before bed, he told me he could see "two of everything."  He told me I had three eyes.  It's so hard to not be able to do anything to help him.

Please pray that this patching does what we are hoping.  Pray also for his little heart.  He is now so much more aware of what people think of him, and he is more fearful of seeing people while wearing his patch.  We have had many good conversations already about it.  :-)

You can read more in my previous posts about his little journey here.

Adjustments

We had some appointments in ABQ on Friday.  Again, they went well.  Little boy scored again perfectly on his biophysical profile.  We also learned that they want us there closer to 36 weeks than 37.  So, we're looking at being there starting on August 6th or so.  We're still unsure as to where we'll stay during that time.

Although our appointments did go well, I left the perinatologist's office on the verge of tears.  Once we were in the car, I broke down pretty hard.  I had had a conversation with the sonographer that went something like this:

Me:  "So, can you tell at all through the ultrasounds how good his muscle tone will be?"

Sonographer (not sure what she said immediately but somehow began saying something like this about her nephew with DS): "He has good tone.  He can even sign now." 

Me (thinking he must be 1 or 2): "That's great.  How old is he?"

Sonographer:  "He's 10."

Me:  "Oh, so he can't talk?"

Sonographer: "He can communicate some.  But, mostly he signs."

It hadn't really occurred to me that my baby might not ever talk.  In the same way, it had never occurred to me that he might not ever read or write (as was mentioned in a devotional Brandon's mom sent us).  Or, that he could end up in a home when he gets older if anything ever happened to us (as was mentioned by someone when sharing about her uncle with DS).  It's these potential losses that seem to come up in conversations when I'm not expecting them...and seem the hardest of all to hear.  A strange mix of mourning, adapting, and trusting usually follows. 

It is a mixed blessing to already know the diagnosis.  It is so good to be able to prepare and learn and even get the right medical care.  Yet, we don't know our baby yet.  We haven't held him...or fed him...or cuddled him.  Even as I feel him hiccup inside me right now, there is something surreal about the fact that he will be in our arms (hopefully) in approximately 6 weeks.  Consequently, the unknown challenges can loom greater than they would otherwise...clouding some of the joy that comes with pregnancy.  It will be so good to have him in our arms.

Some friends told us of friends they know who were told their child could have DS only to discover at birth that he doesn't.  Maybe that could be the case with us too?  It is not.  The results are definitive, and I have found myself sharing that I would be disappointed some if that were the case.  We do believe that this child (with his medical issues) is a huge part of God's plan for us, and we are receiving him as a gift from a good Father who loves us. 

It's late, and this is becoming random and incoherent.  :-)  Going to bed now, but I do want to say thanks again for praying.  There is still so much to share...and I hope to blog more in the coming days.  We're so grateful to all of you for the prayers, notes, food, support and love.  Wish I could express better how much we appreciate you. 

Designer Babies, Designer God

This is a link to an article my friend Holly just sent me.  I wanted to keep it, so I am linking it here.  :-)

Designer Babies, Designer God

Holding You

Matt Hammitt, my friend Sarah's husband, has just released his second single from the upcoming album Every Falling Tear.  It is called Holding You, and I currently have it on repeat.   I wrote about the first single, All of Me, below in this post.  You can read more about Sarah and Matt's journey with their little Bowen at their blog here.  Please pray for him as he is currently having unexplained color changes in his skin.  Pray for the doctors to learn quickly what is causing it.

Check it out.  Every download helps fund their non profit.

 

I can't believe how good God's timing is in this album.

He uses music in my life all the time, and this is an amazing example.

I am excited to hear how he uses these songs in the lives of others as well.

More Happy News

Yesterday, we were in Albuquerque briefly for a few doctor's appointments.  Again, we felt encouraged by what we heard from the doctors.

Another biophysical profile was given an 8 out of 8.  The doctor is particularly pleased about the average amount of amniotic fluid...which again indicates that he isn't necessarily going to come early.

Two of the doctors did confirm, however, that we are going to be in ABQ for almost the entire month of August...and every two weeks until then.  That was good to know.  Please pray for our housing situation.

His heartbeat sounds and looks strong, and the doctor said that it looks like it is pumping blood well.

We are now in Amarillo on our way to Kansas for a wedding reception.  We're looking forward to seeing family and friends.

Have a great weekend!!

p.s.  This is a photo I took yesterday in the OB's office.  I am linking it to something I hope to start doing weekly:  Embrace the Camera.  The idea is to get behind the lens with your kids.  I figured this counted...even if you can't technically see the cute little guy.  :-)  Click on the photo below for more info. 

From Everlasting to Everlasting

This is what I got to see a few weeks ago. He knew I needed it.

              Before the mountains were born                                      

                                         or you brought forth the earth and the world,                         

                                             from everlasting                                

                                                                to everlasting...                                    

       You are God.    

                                                                                                                          Psalm 90:2                                         

Today...

I am really grateful for this man

...who makes us laugh all day long.

...who is in every way sooo good for me.

...who loves the Lord and leads our family well.

....who is an incredible father to our little boy(s).

...who is a man of wisdom and integrity and character.

...whom God uses to help me become the woman He wants me to be.

...whose crazy personality is so clearly reflected in his son.

...whom I am so blessed to get to journey beside.

I am really grateful for this man

...who is a great father-in-law.

...who welcomed me into his family with no expectations.

...who is a hard worker and instilled that value into my family.
...whose life gave life to my husband and, in turn, to my babies.

 

I am really grateful for this man

...who gave me life.

...whom I miss very much.

...who is brilliant and hilarious.

...whose love of the beauty of the outdoors he passed along to me.

...who always worked so hard and so well to provide for our family.

...whose unconditional love for me made it easier for me to receive God's.

Happy Father's Day

All of Me

Walking through these new challenges, the Lord is surrounding us with people who have already been there. My friend, Sarah, and I were roommates together in Ocean City years and years ago. She is an incredible mother of two girls and one boy. Her little boy, Bowen, is now nine months old and was born with a serious heart defect. Her husband, Matt, is the lead singer of Sanctus Real. He recently released a song called "All of Me" that he wrote while Sarah was pregnant with Bowen. Check out this short video to hear more about his heart behind the song. It is amazing.

You can read more at their blog, Bowen's Heart.

"All of Me" from Ryan Lynch on Vimeo.

Summertime

We had planned on spending the summer in Vail, Colorado on a summer project.  All the plans we had made, however, changed instantly in the perinatologist's office a few weeks ago.  So, now we're home with good access to consistent medical care.

Summer at home brings with it unexpected challenges and opportunities.  Caleb is no longer in school, so I am playing with the idea of coming up with some weekly themes for us to explore...bugs, space, etc.  With summer, he gets a lot more time with his dad...which has been wonderful.  They have spent hours playing with water in his new little pool.  Another special thing they do together is watch the TV show Wipeout on the computer every Saturday.  I am not a fan, so it is definitely a Daddy/Caleb thing.  Yesterday, he put together the costume in the pics below...his "Wipeout superhero costume."

And so we have this short little season together as a family of three before things change drastically in the fall with the coming of a new little person.  I am so grateful to have this time to nest, to learn, and to seek God.  I sometimes get nervous about the unknown and unforeseen challenges of the fall...with a new baby and medical issues and ministry in full swing.  But, as He keeps reminding me, I need "not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself (Matt 6:34)."

In the meantime, C and I are both signed up for some reading programs.  B and I are working on some Scripture memorization together.  And, I am hoping to get some camping in. Hopefully we can sprinkle some extra activities throughout the summer such as learning to sew and the awesome ideas from this blog post.  Check them out if you have kids.  Happy Summer!

"...that the works of God might be displayed in him."

My friend Holly sent me the following talk from John Piper: "Why was this child born blind?"  In John 9, the disciples ask Jesus if a man's blindness was due to his sin or that of the parents.  Jesus responds by saying that it wasn't that they sinned, "but this happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him (John 9:3)."

Yes.  That is our prayer.  It has been our prayer all along.  We are asking God to use this wiggly little boy (and Caleb as well) to show others how wonderful He is.  He has already been doing so in our lives.  :-)

Piper gave this talk the day before our ultrasound.   Cool, huh?  If you have some time to sit and listen, it's great stuff.  The text of the talk is also written out on the website...if you just want to read it. 

Find the talk here.

"...but this happened
so that the works of God
might be displayed in him."

John 9:3

What we know as of now...

WARNING:  This post is long, and it is as much for my own memory as it is to help friends understand what's going on.  Also, I in no way possess any medical training.  So, feel free to correct me if you see any errors here.  It's all as I understood what the doctors were telling me.  :-)

Last week, we traveled up to Albuquerque again to see multiple doctors.  Because the appointments spanned two days, we stayed the night with our friends Kyle and Chrissy.  Their hospitality made what could have been a challenging trip significantly more enjoyable.

We were pretty nervous about what the doctors would say.  There was still so much we didn't know, and we had waited to meet with them to learn more about what our little boy will be dealing with.  We wanted to be educated by the doctors...not the internet.  Expecting more hard news, we instead ended up leaving each appointment surprisingly encouraged.

From the NICU doctor, we learned:

• The length of his stay in the Newborn Intensive Care Unit will be roughly until his due date (September 3rd). 
• Soon after he is born, he will be on monitors and IVs.  He will receive an ultrasound, an EKG, and an echo cardiogram. He will also probably receive antibiotics. 
• Trisomy 21 babies have a harder time eating at first.  IVs and feeding tubes could be involved.
• Along with that, nursing will be difficult.  I can use a hospital-grade pump, and they'll use that once he's off IVs. 
• He might need help breathing, and he will likely be assisted by oxygen or a breathing machine.  
• She expects Downs babies to come prematurely.  This, however, was contradicted by the pediatric cardiologist. 

From the pediatric cardiologist, we learned:

• Prematurity isn't necessarily more prevalent in babies with Down Syndrome.
• His arteries and veins look normal...which is great. 
• After he is born, they will quickly evaluate him to ensure the diagnosis is correct.  This is partly the reason for the echo cardiogram. 
• They will then meet with us to determine a follow-up plan.    
• He will have surgery when he is 4 months old.  It is a 5 day recovery if all goes well.  The surgery involves using a dacron patch (a woven, plastic material similar to that of a parka) to create the missing septums.  Apparently, the heart covers the material with cells and it doesn't need to be replaced.  In fact, the heart grows in proportion to the body and the patch stays the same...meaning it becomes rather insignificant over the long term. 
• The surgeon has never seen a fatality.  A few have needed a second surgery or an artificial valve put in, but it has a great success rate.

From the OBGYN doctor, we learned:

• We won't be in Albuquerque this summer as much as we thought. 
• She will deliver us, and the delivery will hopefully be like any other.  It won't necessarily be caesarean, but there will be NICU doctors immediately on hand. 
• She will induce us at 38 or 39 weeks.  I am less likely to deliver before that due to the fact that Caleb came late.  My pregnancy history is the greatest factor in determining whether this baby will come early or late. 

From the Perinatologist, we learned:

• Our baby looks great!  They did what is called a "biophysical profile" on him via ultrasound.  It took them a very short time to find what they needed to see.  As I understood it, they were looking for the following four things, and they scored him accordingly:
• Resistance in the Umbilical Cord:  Score: 2 out of 2
• Fine Motor Skills:  Score: 2 out of 2  He was opening and closing a fist while they were looking. 
• Practicing Breathing:  Score: 2 out of 2  He was hiccuping while they watched...which counts.
• Amniotic Fluid Level:  Score: 2 out of 2
• So, he scored 8 out of 8!!  We were so proud...and grateful!  :-)

So, it was a good trip...full of good news and good friends...and mostly a very good God.  We're so thankful for our God who cares for us through great medical doctors and great friends and family. 

Also, through this trip we were able to learn more specifics as to what we can be praying for.  I am hoping to create a prayer list on a separate page listed at the top of my blog.  Thanks again so much to all of you who are praying!  It means more than we can ever begin to express.

Meet Baby Pelton

He looks so very much like Caleb did as a baby.  It was our first reaction, and this quick ultrasound photo was a sweet gift from the Lord in the midst of all the news.  Thanks so much for all your sweet messages and prayers.  How blessed we are to have such wonderful people in our lives.  Tomorrow, I hope to share more about what we know so far about what the first few months of his life will look like.  In the meantime, I leave you with this beautiful little face...

 

"For you created my inmost being; 

you knit me together in my mother's womb. 

I praise you because I am

fearfully and wonderfully made; 

your works are wonderful, 

I know that full well."

Psalm 139:13-14

Fearfully and Wonderfully Made

Two weeks ago, we received some news that is still changing our lives.

After our routine 20-week ultrasound hinted at something strange, our doctor sent us up to Albuquerque for a Level 2 ultrasound to get a better look.  We left Caleb with good friends, and we made the trip just the two of us...engaging in a pretty long argument about nothing along the way. 

Once there, the ultrasound technician who saw us was sweet and cracked countless jokes, but we weren't at all in the mood.  We were both apprehensive as to what the screen would reveal.  As she began to look at the heart, it was obvious even to us that something was not normal.  His little heart seemed to have only three chambers.  The tech seemed concerned and spent what felt like an eternity taking more pictures of various parts of his little body.

Eventually, the doctor came in and explained the following:  He has an Atrioventricular Canal Defect.  In the first weeks of his life, the wall (septum) between his atria didn't form.  Neither did the septum between his ventricles.  It is a congenital heart defect that is common in children with Down Syndrome.  Due to the heart defect and some other indicators, the likelihood of our little guy having Down Syndrome was 50-70%.  So, at their recommendation, we did an amniocentesis.   

During the days that followed, our tears were mixed with much joy and gratitude.  Family and good friends were praying for us, and we felt it.  Again and again, the Lord was reminding us that He "works all things together for the good of those who love Him (Romans 8:28)" and that He has a plan for our littlest boy's life...a very good plan.  That didn't change when we received the news four days later that he does indeed have Down Syndrome.  

There are still so many unknowns.  But, God knows.  There are so many emotions.  But, He's walking us through this.  And, we are clinging to Him.  

"Yet I am always with you;

you hold me by my right hand.  

You guide me with your counsel,

and afterward you will take me into glory. 

Whom have I in heaven but you? 

And earth has nothing I desire besides you. 

My flesh and my heart may fail,

but God is the strength of my heart

and my portion forever."

Psalm 73: 23-26

And we're up and running...

So, obviously it has been a little while since my last post...seven or so months to be more precise. I had started playing with blog design. I had decided to base my blog theme off the verse in Ecclesiastes 3:11, "He has made everything beautiful in its time." I wanted this blog to be a place where I could gather together things that I found beautiful...stories of my family, photography, crafts, etc. I wanted to celebrate the beauty of my Lord reflected in the things He has made.

Then, something rather significant happened, and I got a little distracted. We found out on December 23rd that we are pregnant! The night before, we had had a conversation with my Dad to tell him we were adopting internationally. So, it was something of a surprise to see what we saw that next night. 

I had taken the pregnancy test at Brandon's encouragement...just to get the question out of my mind. I was in no way expecting to see the word "pregnant" unaccompanied by "not." The picture above we took that night...before we told anyone. We were incredibly stunned, and I cried. With that shock came much joy, and along with Christmas morning came the opportunity to tell my parents something I had been wanting to tell them for over three years.

So, the grandiose thoughts of learning CSS and trying my hand at blog design soon fell to the wayside as I began to dream of baby names and nursery colors. I had all intentions of getting back to my blog someday. And, now, six months later, this precious little boy currently making his presence known in my body necessitates that I get this thing up and running again. So, now begins my jump back into the blogging world...

Thanks for reading.

Under Construction...

I have been doing some scheming and dreaming lately, and I am hoping to have a new blog (same address) up and running in the next few weeks.

So, until then, forgive the mess.