The Nursery in the PICU

( Collage Credit )

Sharing photos from Jude's little home last night,

I realized that I still had yet to share photos from that hospital room

that became his nursery.

So, from the top clockwise...

I used poster putty to hang all the cards that so many of you sent us.

They encouraged us every day.

And, they looked really pretty too.

On a sliding glass door, I made a large tree out of paper circles and photos for Jude.

The pinterest inspiration can be found here.

At some point, Brandon brought up a wire frame I had made this summer.
We hung it on the wall with 3M removable adhesive, and it made things feel more homelike.

The pinterest tutorial can be found here.

I happened to have these little metal letters when we arrived in Albuquerque,

and they adorned first his NICU bed and then the top of the fridge in his room.

As I mentioned before, Chrissy and Katie brought me scrapbook supplies to make a mobile for Jude.

Thanks, friends!  That was so thoughtful.  I ended up making much more than just the mobile. :-)

Here is the tutorial for the paper globes.

My beautiful friend, Tasha, sent us a really sweet package that included these alphabet flash cards.

I used poster putty to put them on a post at the head of his bead...in case anyone forgot his name.

They were very cute!  Thanks so much, Tasha!

I also made a little banner and hung it up around Jude's ceiling to bring a little color in.

The inspiration can be found here. 

It was a huge blessing to have the freedom to make Jude's little room our own.

We loved Room #2 of the PICU on the 6th floor of Presbyterian Hospital...

as well as the staff who came in and out all day long and throughout the night.

Thanks, friends.

p.s.  Today was the birthday of a good friend of mine, Holly. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, friend!
p.s.s.  Make sure you google "Let it Snow." :-)

A Hospital Visit

 Today, we visited our little baby's home.

We got to see some of the people who loved and cared for our baby each day...

and whom we grew to love as well.

It was sooooo good to see so many friends.

We even had breakfast with one of them.  Thanks, Sara!  :-)

It was healing...and just really, really fun.

There are still plenty who weren't there,

and so we hope to stop in again sometime in the near future.

Jude's room was empty, so we were able to spend sweet time in there.

Caleb got to see a helicopter land outside the window,

and we were able to just spend time walking around and remembering.

We even found a little bit of poster putty

left on the ceiling from something I had hung for Jude.

It was a sweet little reminder that we were there.

We were definitely there.

Thank you, Lord, for the sweet time in Albuquerque...

and for the little boy you placed there for 67 days.

And, thanks so much if you prayed for this trip.

I had somehow left unpublished last night's (Saturday) post,

so there are now two.  :-)

Albuquerque

The first two days of Jude's life were incredibly traumatic for us.  I will never forget feeling imprisoned by the C-section as the doctors gave me a split second glance at my newborn baby boy in distress before he was rushed to the NICU.  I will never forget the next day as we were sitting on my hospital bed as the images from the MRI results were handed to us.  I will never forget sitting on the ambulance dock in my wheelchair as the ambulance drove away carrying my husband and my baby...unsure if he would even make it through the transport.

All these events occurred in a large hospital that is situated along an interstate we drive regularly.  If Jude had died on that second day of life, our memories of that hospital would have remained predominantly traumatic.  I would have dreaded seeing that large hospital each time we came upon it.  I think I would have strongly disliked Albuquerque.  Instead, our baby lived, and the city became his home.  He lived, and he opened his eyes, and he gave us so many sweet, sweet moments.  And, he received many, many kisses in return.  :-)

So, we look at that hospital very differently now.

A few weeks ago, I shared in this post that we were returning to Albuquerque to visit the staff we loved so much at Presbyterian.  We had planned to leave the day after Thanksgiving.  It didn't happen.  The idea of returning to the hospital weighed so heavily on me that I felt sick to my stomach all that holiday.  I decided I wasn't ready.  So, we headed south instead and bought Jude's chest.

But, tonight we came back.  We are here only briefly as we travel up north, but we are heading over to the hospital in the morning...after grabbing breakfast with one of our wonderful nurses.  Would you please pray for us as tomorrow we return to the place of his birth, life, and death?  Please pray that the Lord would draw us near to Him as we visit the place and people so connected to our little guy.

As we drove by tonight, this verse came to mind:  

Blessed are those who mourn,

for they shall be comforted.

Matthew 5:4

To save a baby...

When we found out five months into pregnancy that our baby boy had Down Syndrome, it was my hope that this blog would become something used by God to show women what a blessing a child with Down Syndrome can become to a family.

While I haven't written much about this because of the intense pain I feel when I hear this statistic, the reality is that 92% of babies with Down Syndrome are aborted.  Ninety-two percent!  Of every ten children with the extra 21st chromosome, only one survives the womb.

It was my dream that my baby's life would save the life of another sweet little baby.

It still is.

A few weeks ago, a friend of mine called me to ask if she could use three photos I took of Jude.  She wanted to place them in the ultrasound room of a clinic that provides resources to pregnant women in the hopes of preventing abortions, Turning Point.  The hope is that when a parent sees a photo of a baby's foot or little fingers, they might choose to let their child live.

Would you please pray that the Lord would use these photos to save the lives of babies?  I am so grateful for that possibility.

And, would you please pray for Turning Point?  If you are local, they are looking for financial donations as well as practical baby items to bless the new mommies.

p.s.

When they were training the wonderful staff

on their new ultrasound machine,

they used me and Jude as practice.  :-)

I got to look at my baby for a really long time.  Here is a video they recorded for us.

I used to put it on loop and

just watch it over and over again...

our sweet little peanut.

A Continual Passion

The whole of Christ's life was a continual passion;

others die martyrs, 

but Christ was born a martyr.

He found a Golgotha, where he was crucified,

even in Bethlehem, where he was born; 

for to his tenderness then the straws were almost as sharp as the thorns after,

and the manger as uneasy at first as the cross at last.

His birth and his death were but one continual act, 

and his Christmas Day and his Good Friday

are but the evening and the morning

of one and the same day.

From the créche to the cross is an inseperable line.

Christmas only points forward to Good Friday and Easter.

It can have no meaning apart from that,

where the Son of God displayed his glory by his death.

John Donne

The Book of Uncommon Prayers

This kid...

 has sweet freckles on his nose.

has really great rhythm.

loves to draw rockets.

can play with Legos forever.

loves wrestling with Daddy.

makes really silly faces.

is shy at first at school.

becomes very social very quickly.

loves making tracks and ramps.

loves laughing at his silly Daddy.

gets songs in his head easily.

gets stomach aches from milk.

is still missing his baby brother.

makes us laugh all the time.

has an eye that still bothers him.

loves yogurt with granola.

is incredibly enjoyable.

really misses his cousins.

wants to be "a police" someday.

often pretends to be the bad guy.

is very persuasive.

has beautiful blue eyes.

is enjoying dressing himself.

asks really good questions.

is growing up too fast.

is ready to start learning to read.

has very hard to manage hair.

is an unbelievable gift from God.

God is for me...

He cares.

He showed me so by leading me to this verse tonight.

Better yet, He showed me so by sending His Son to die that I might live.

If ever I doubt His care for me, I need only look at the cross.

Thank You, Jesus.

Thank You so very much.

Cookies

Caleb and I have spent a lot of time in the kitchen lately.

He has really been enjoying the activities we have been doing with our books.

We have made gingerbread houses, snowman ornaments,

walked among luminarias, and played in real snow.

Today, we baked and decorated cookies.

We still hope to make snow globes and snow playdough...

as well as a few Christmas cards.

We'll see.

As we rapidly pass through December,

it has been good to be busy.

Yet, I have been struggling more.

I don't really understand what is going on.

Tomorrow, we are going to see a counselor and trusted friend.

Thank you for praying for us.

p.s. Andrea had her surgery today.

Please pray for her healing and

trust, strength, and peace for everyone close to her.

Thanks.

:-)

Light

Click here to hear a sermon

my husband wanted to share.

Hope you all had a great weekend.

Justin

Meet Justin.  

He was born two months before Jude,

and he was born with both Down Syndrome and congenital heart defects.

He is Ukrainian and is waiting to be adopted.  

Some friends of ours found him on the website of Reece's Rainbow, 

and they have given money to help make it easier for a family to someday adopt him.

Because of their donation, they were sent an ornament with his photo on it.

And, they gave it to us. 

This sweet little face will now adorn our Christmas tree each year.

Would you please pray that the Lord would bless him with a family soon?

And, if you and your family is interested in giving more this Christmas,

consider giving to help a family bring this little guy home.

I love the motto of Reece's Rainbow:

Because every family deserves the blessing of a child with Down Syndrome.

Andrea

In her recovery after the stage collapse, my cousin, Andrea, recently had a large portion of her skull replaced.  There have been some complications, however, and the flap will be removed on Monday and a new one won't be put in for at least a few more months.  Would you please pray for her?  And for her husband, daughter, parents, brother and sister-in-law?

Below, I have copied the facebook update from her dad, Steve.  As you might notice, so much of this feels very familiar.  Thank you for praying. 

Friends,

I had hoped that my my next post about my daughter, Andrea, would be next Monday upon my return from visiting her at her rehabilitation facility in Michigan. Unfortunately, events subsequent to my last post have altered those plans, and I feel a need to share our current circumstance.
 

For the last couple of weeks and since her surgery November 8th, Andrea has been "leaking" a fluid from her head wound near the back of her head. Originally, we believed it was nothing serious, but was it obviously a cause for concern. After keeping the situation under observation a few days, it was decided that it was ok to move Andrea to the Michigan facility from Indianapolis, which we did last Thursday.

The leaking continued. The order was given to put a stitch in her head at the site of the leakage, and that was accomplished last weekend in Ann Arbor. For a day or two, the leaking stopped. Then it began again, and Andrea's neuro-surgeon ordered her to be returned to Indianapolis to be examined and for tests. Mike, her husband, drove her back yesterday, and they arrived last evening at Methodist in Indianapolis.

This morning we learned what we had feared above all: Andrea's skull flap, which had been replaced in surgery November 8th, did not completely seal, and it will have to be replaced. She is scheduled for surgery Monday at Methodist. Her skull flap will be removed, and, much to our dismay, will remain removed for two months. She will be required to wear the helmet that she thought she was finished with, and will probably be required to slow down her rehab somewhat. For instance, she had been scheduled to do treadmill workouts, actually running!!!, but will not be allowed that luxury now until the skull flap is replaced in two months.

You've no doubt already guessed at my reason for this post: My family and I are asking for your prayers for a peaceful, stress-less weekend for Andrea, a successful surgery on Monday with no problems or complications, and a rapid, painless recovery for Andrea from this most recent surgery.  We ask a lot. We HAVE asked a lot, and YOU have responded. Andrea is recovered to this point partly by virtue of her exceptional medical-care teams at her various facilities, but MOSTLY BY YOUR PRAYERS. We will be forever in your debt for what you have done for us to this point in Andrea's marathon. We are coming to you again because we are not across the finish line yet. We ask YOU in humility and hope. We ask HIM in confidence and assuredness that His will, which is always in all ways for the best. Please join us in petitioning Him For The Love Of Andrea.  God bless you all this weekend and in this most wonderful of all holiday seasons.
Our Saviour was born and HE LIVES!!

Steve Voss

Thoughts on Christmas

My friend, Tasha, shared this on her blog, and everyone...I mean, everyone...needs to see it.  Scroll to the bottom to turn off my music.  :-)



And, my friend, Debbie, shared a link to this post on Christmas by Ann Voskamp.  She is the one who wrote the book One Thousand Gifts that God has used so much in my life.  Please take a minute to read it.  And while you're there, check out this little story about a family that truly understands what is important.

The Simple Things

This is what our lawn looked like the morning after our first snowfall.

Tonight I am thankful for...

friends who made gingerbread houses with us today and others who played games with us tonight.

the video I just watched of Jude trying to play with his toy.

the deep, rhythmic breathing I listened to as I checked in on my sleeping little boy.

a friend who brought an amazing dinner to us.

the snow that forced our six huge trees to give up all of their leaves.

the light that has flooded our house as a result.

burst pipes that remind me what a blessing running water is.

a warm home, warm clothing, clean water, good food and a loving family.

I am blessed.

Lego Guys and Christmas Trees

Today, Caleb wanted to show me the Lego guys he had made for Jude.

So, he pulled them out of Jude's stocking, and we looked at them together.
He's quite proud of them.

Every day, we have conversations.

Conversations about Jude...about Jesus...and about Heaven.

Today, as Caleb was sitting in the chair that I had rocked him in as a baby...

the chair that I had hoped would be Jude's as well,

 he asked me, "Mommy, why did I 'chose' to go to my cousins'?

I didn't get to be with my baby brother much."

We sat there...being sad together.

We talked about the plans that God has for us...for him...for Jude.

And, we talked about the hope of Heaven.

Caleb then said, "He's the first one in our family who gets to see it."

"It will be so cool."

"There will be two Christmas trees for every person!!"

Not sure where the tree thought came from, but I love his heart.

In one of the little books I read about children and grieving,

they said that children Caleb's age won't remember much of what happens during this time.

The important thing is that in the midst of all the questions and confusion...

they have an overall sense that they are loved.

We want to love him well.

As we look back over the decisions we made,

we are so thankful for the Lord's guidance with Caleb.

We see His hand guiding him to Illinois, where he was loved and cared for so well.

And, we see His hand guiding us to leave soon after returning home and spend tons of money

so that we could be the ones to tell him about his brother.

We are thankful for both of the decisions we made.
And, we are thankful that He promises wisdom to all who ask for it (James 1:5).
He is faithful to all His promises.

Thank you so much for praying for us.

In many ways, because of you we will look back upon this time

with a very clear sense that we were loved.

Snow

It snowed here today. 

Real snow.
In the desert. 

And, it didn't stop after a few minutes.

It snowed ALL DAY. 

Caleb and I went for a walk in it.

 Then Daddy came home for lunch, and they played on the swing.

And, Brandon built a fire.

When it really started to stick,

Caleb and I headed outside again for a snowball fight

and several unsuccessful attempts at a snowman.

Now, Caleb has a snow day tomorrow.

No school.

Hopefully, instead we will enjoy the snow again...

unless the leaves all fall by morning.

Things are a little mixed up here. 

:-)

Beauty All Around

Today was a good day.
 We loved being together with our church family this morning.

Then , Caleb and I spent lots of good time together making these out of sweaters.

I didn't get a picture of the spaceships and Millie toys that he made,

but we were both thoroughly entertained.  :-)

 

Then, Brandon came home and took over dinner so I could go see this:

Finally, we met up with good friends on campus to walk through the luminarias. 

I am so thankful to be surrounded by so much beauty...
 beauty reflected in the faces of people we love...
in mountains covered in snow for the first time...
in glowing paper bags on a brisk night...
in a laughing, creative, and mischievous little boy...
and in a husband who knows me so well.

Thank You, Lord.

A Stocking for Jude

  

Caleb made a little stocking for Jude today.

It was his idea.

He is a really sweet brother...

 and he often makes Lego "guys,"

ornaments, and drawings for him as well. 

Being around Caleb has been so good for healing.

We laugh a lot, and we have fun together.

Yet, he reminds me in many ways of what we have lost...

what he has lost.

The Lord is good, and we know we can trust Him.

It is just easier some times more than others.

Thank you for praying for us.

We continue to need Him just as much as ever.

25 Days of Books

I finally got around to wrapping the rest of the books today.  We love this new tradition, and it is really the first time I have read to Caleb in the six weeks since Jude died.  It was too hard after having spent so much time reading with our baby boy.  So, this has been good for me.

I have wanted to incorporate some kind of list of fun Christmastime activities to do with Caleb...kind of like our summertime bucket list.  But, I want to keep things simple.  So, this year I just wrote the name of each wrapped book on its back along with an idea or two to do if we feel up to it.  This way, I am not committed, and we can do what we feel like that day.

Aside from the one I shared yesterday, below is the list of our books...along with the activities.
I would love to hear any recommendations for new ones. :-) 

Jacob's Gift - "Whenever you give a gift to one of God's children, you give a gift to God."
The Tomten  Make a snow globe.
A Very Good Snowman  Make a snowman (real or with a hot glue gun).
The Crippled Lamb   Help someone who is physically disabled.  Or, serve someone in the hospital. 
Merry Christmas, Little Mouse  Give cookies to friends.
A Christmas Treasury  Make Christmas cards with pastels. 
Frosty the Snowman  Learn and sing Christmas songs.
The Tale of Three Trees  Do a woodcraft together.
Corduroy's Christmas Surprise  Create our first gingerbread house.
Claude the Christmas Dog  Gather together a donation box of things we don't need for those who do.
Mr. Willoughby's Christmas Tree  Make a Christmas tree craft together. 
The Farolitos of Christmas  Attend the luminaria event on campus...and make our own.
My Christmas Stocking  Make a stocking by lacing together punched holes in fabric or paper.

Baboushka I forgot to look at this one before wrapping it.  Don't know yet.  :-)

A Christmas Gift for Mama  Make a really special gift for someone together.
Clopper and the Night Travelers  Attend a "Walk Thru Bethlehem" event at a church.
A Snowy Day  Make snow playdough, and play a guessing game by making tracks in the "snow."
The Snowman  Make Christmas cards with pastels or colored pencils and glitter.
T'was the Night Before Christmas  Attempt to write a poem together.
Alabaster's Song  Make an angel craft.
Six Snowy Sheep  Act out the different activities. 
Geraldine's Big Snow Drink hot chocolate after (hopefully) enjoying snow outside. 
White Snow Bright Snow  Make Christmas cards on black paper with white paint or pastels.
Dick and Jane: A Christmas Story  Bake and decorate cookies together.
Picture Me Under the Christmas Tree    Do something silly with photos...such as Elf Yourself.
Santa's Favorite Story     Paint with watercolors...possibly Christmas cards.

p.s.  Amy Faith, would you be willing to give me your email address?  :-)

The Jesse Tree...and other Advent Traditions

For two years now, I have wanted to make a set of felt Advent ornaments for my little family.  So, when we learned about the Jesse Tree through my wonderful sister-in-law, Christine, I began to dream of making my own set of ornaments to go along with this book that she gave us.  Originally, I had wanted to make this beautiful advent calendar, but I lacked both time and felt.  So, I began instead to just concentrate on the ornaments this year...and hang them on some branches on our kitchen table.

I began on Thanksgiving night, and I have stayed up late several nights working on them.  At this point, I have all but the last five ornaments (including Jesus in a manger which seems rather daunting to me).  Last night, I decided I needed something to put them in so I sewed some little pockets with numbers on them and strung them up into a garland.  And, the pockets are more portable and therefore better for Christmas travel.

This is really my first time playing with wool felt, and I have loved it.  I found mine from here and here.  It is beautiful and so easy and fun to work with.  And, with freezer paper, the possibilities are endless.  I used the freezer paper to make the Day 1 earth ornament above as well as the numbers for the pockets.  It is really easy...and I am having fun with it.

Speaking of fun, Caleb is also loving this Lego Advent Calendar our friends Phil and Liz sent us.  Thanks so much, friends.  :-)  He wanted to sleep with his new Lego guy. 

Last year, we began the tradition of wrapping 25 children's books about Christmas.  I loved the idea, so I gathered all the books about Christmas that I could find in our house and bought the rest at our local used book store.  Each year, we will buy a new one to replace the less wonderful ones.  The new one will be special...to be opened the first night of December.  This year, I chose Song of the Stars by Sally Lloyd-Jones.  I love it.  It isn't too often that I find myself worshiping the Lord while reading a picture book.  :-)

I am praying that this Christmas season will be one in which our hearts are filled with love and worship of the One born that night in a stable...not the noise that our culture has made of it.  I want to celebrate Him, love people, and simply enjoy my family.  What does your family do to celebrate Advent?

The Advent Season

Tomorrow, December begins.
Christmas is more important to me than ever...
as I better get to know the One whose birth we celebrate.  Yet, it is so easy to get distracted by all that our culture has turned Christmas into.  I so want to focus my heart on His.



So, I am planning on reading this book:  










And, I am really looking forward to reading this one:

And as a family, we are doing a Jesse Tree again this year.  So...after (almost) finishing my advent calendar and Jesse tree ornaments, this is what my desk looks like...and the floor...and Brandon's desk...and I am leaving it that way tonight.  :-)

I will write more about the Jesse Tree tomorrow, but if you want to learn more, check this site out.