Wednesday, November 23, 2011

A Grace Disguised

"The quickest way for anyone to reach the sun and the light of day is not to run west, chasing after the setting sun, but to head east, plunging into the darkness until one comes to the sunrise.  

...I had the power to choose the direction my life would head, even if the only choice open to me, at least initially, was either to run from the loss or to face it as best I could.  Since I knew that darkness was inevitable and unavoidable, I decided from that point on to walk into the darkness rather than try to outrun it, to let my experience of loss take me on a journey wherever it would lead, and to allow myself to be transformed by my suffering rather than to think I could somehow avoid it.  I chose to turn toward the pain, however falteringly, and to yield to the loss, though I had no idea what that would mean (p. 42)" 

Jerry Sittser      A Grace Disguised:  How the Soul Grows Through Loss

I started reading this book tonight.  After having read only a fourth of it, I already know that it is a book that will be shared often.  In it, he writes of his grieving process:  "The decision to face the darkness, even if it led to overwhelming pain, showed me that the experience of loss itself does not have to be the defining moment of our lives.  Instead, the defining moment can be our response to the loss.  It is not what happens to us that matters as much as what happens in us.  Darkness, it is true, had invaded my soul.  But then again, so did light (p. 45)."

As of now, we are planning on driving to Albuquerque later this week.  There are people we need to see, and we feel the need to go.  It is where our baby lived, and because of that there are so many sweet memories mixed in with the sad.  Visiting that city and taking Caleb along with us will be part of our healing process...part of our "plunging into the darkness..." that we might someday reach the sunrise.

Thank you for praying for us.

This new story on my beautiful cousin, Andrea, aired last night in Indiana.  Andrea's smile and story reflect the beauty and goodness of the Lord, and I highly encourage you to watch it.  Please pray for her, Mike (her husband), Lydia (her daughter), and Steve and Sandi (her parents) as she transitions to a longer term rehab hospital in Michigan.

Thank you. 


amyfaith said...

Praise God ! Your post was awesome!
The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases.
His mercies never come to an end.
They are new every morning;
great is thy faithfulness.
"The Lord is my portion," says my soul.
"Therefore I will hope in him."
Lamentations 3:22-24
love and prayers to you from colorado!

Jen said...

I am impressed on how you are willing to walk into the darkness. I have to say that I don't think I could make it out again, I am weak. I did make it through but only with God's help, I just don't know if I could do it twice. I am so proud of you and your family. I have learned so much from you and Brandon. To bad I am older than you two or I could have used your leadership when I was younger. Your little man smiles at me everyday. He truly knows about pain. He is greatly missed by many, some who never even got to hold him or touch him. Love you guys.

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