Sunday, November 13, 2011

...grace to help us in our time of need

The night we got home from Albuquerque, we didn't have to cook dinner.  Soup was waiting for us.  All we had to do was heat it up.  Yet, after we had eaten, I just stared at my bowl.  I stared at it for what felt like a very long time.  I couldn't find in myself the strength to get up and take it to the sink. 

Today, I started doing a few normal, everyday things.  I wrote a check.  I went to the grocery store.  I went to church.  I changed cat litter.  I swept the floor.  I worked on finances.  I even thought about making dinner.  That was the extent of it, however...a thought.

As we needed the Lord in the hospital, we continue to need Him now.  As He met us in the hospital, He continues to meet us now.  I don't know that I have ever before felt the need to ask Him for help to do the simple things such as washing a dish or putting away laundry.  But, I do now.  I cannot find the strength in myself to do the things I need to do.  I feel that more strongly than I ever have before.  I feel like I am right now living out of a desperate dependence.  Thankfully, He is dependable.  

Tomorrow, a new normal begins.  Brandon returns to work on campus, and I will probably turn back on my cell phone.  Tuesday, however, might be a better taste of what life will be like...as tomorrow our little family is going to celebrate Caleb's birthday (exactly two months later).  He doesn't know it yet.  When he wakes up and sees the 90 or so balloons waiting on the floor of his bedroom, he will.

Thank you for praying for us.  We continue to be carried along by your prayers.


Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence,
so that we may receive mercy and find grace
to help us in our time of need.

Hebrews 4:16

8 comments:

amyfaith said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
amyfaith said...

prayers continue, thankful His grace & mercy are with you. love & prayers from colorado

Natalie said...

Praying for sweet days ahead filled with the peace of God and the encouragement to press on.

tasha said...

continuing to think of you guys and pray for you all - will pray especially for tomorrow and the days ahead. we so wish we could've made it out to see you while you were in indiana...but we were so happy to hear how surrounded by love and dear friends, you were. know that so many are still praying and following your journey. happy belated birthday to caleb!!!

Andrea Bullok said...

Praying for your encouragement as you tackle daily life. I can imagine the hardest part of your grief starts now. Praying God will continue to strengthen and uphold you as you rest in Him.

Jen said...

Mandy, I do know where you are at and you must be careful. Once you are in the place you are getting out can only be done with God's help. Don't be afraid if you might need medicine but let Brandon be the judge if it is working or not. Please be very careful. Your Uncle did not listen and wouldn't work with the doctor's so he got very lost and thus so did his family. If you need to talk call me, I might not have lost a child but I did lose a family and my future. I love you, you must eat and sleep or it will be harder to work through this. God is there, I know. I wouldn't have made it without him, I had no one else to hold me. Keep Brandon and Caleb close to you so you can anchor yourself. One minute, one hour, one day at a time. Love you!

Anonymous said...

Mandy, I cannot imagine the difficulty in all of these tasks, especially after all you've been through. I am inspired by your strength and your constant faithfulness. You guys are still in our prayers.

Liz said...

Hi friend! Thanks for sharing this!!! Praying for lots of strength and peace as you begin the "new normals" of life for the three of you. Yet, life isn't and won't be the same ever again...and that is...well like the book I read on loss..it's a "grace in disguise". One that we as humans don't comprehend totally, yet we realize our faith has been incredibly affected and strengthened through it all as the God who holds the Universe reaches down to our "normals" of life and cares so deeply to love us and give us just what we need that day to go on. Praying for you my sweet, sweet friend. Hugs over lots of miles!

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