Impressions and Confessions

Perception Management.  It is a phrase that has stuck with me for years. I first heard it used in a play in which the main character was looking back on his life and realized that his entire life had been focused on what he called "perception management."  His goal in life had inadvertently become to manage what people thought of him.

I struggle with this.  It is why I stopped blogging for over a year.  It is why I stopped posting photos to Facebook.  What people thought of me...whether it be a photo I posted or an update I shared...had become too important.  I judged the quality of my photo based on how many comments I received or didn't receive.  So, I stopped.  I posted much less on Facebook, and I took a break from blogging.  I started again only after Jude's diagnosis...and with much prayer.

The online world is full of perception management.  We present a public image that doesn't paint a true picture.  It's a false reality, and I am guilty of trying to dwell in it.  I post only the photos that I look best in.  I make sure to frame my photo so you can't see the messy laundry in the background.  And, if I am struggling with depression, I probably won't post on that day. 

Just as giving is really the only true antidote to materialism, it seems that sharing some of the uglier, broken parts could help free us of this incessant temptation to impress.  And, we might just find that His light shines brighter in our brokenness.

So, that's why I love my friend Holly's idea.  In order to combat this struggle, she wrote a wonderful post called Confessions.  And, in response to popular demand, she has created a link-up for us to do it as well. 

So, here are a few things I would like to confess:

My house is a disaster, and I am currently not cooking.  I have been seriously neglecting my home and my family to read Anne of Green Gables...and Anne of Avonlea...and Anne of the Island...and all the rest of those wonderful books.  I happened to pick the first one up a few weeks ago, and my free time has since been spent in the picturesque Prince Edward Island.  This treasured series was a staple of my girlhood, and I read them multiple times as a child.  Still, once I get into a fiction book, I dive in wholeheartedly until the book ends.  Once, I spent an entire month reading Harry Potter for the first time...while a baby Caleb played on a blanket beside me.  I don't do well with moderation.  And, everything around me...including my husband and child...gets neglected. 

I am terrible at following through with things.  Take my New Year's Resolutions for example.  At this point, I am way behind on my chronological Bible reading.  Getting up early has been overall wonderful but has taken a huge hit these past two weeks (I was up until 4:30am last night).  And, that Project 365 thing?  Yeah, I didn't make it much past February.  :-)

I am a hypocrite.  I often find myself telling Caleb not to do something and then I do it after he leaves the room.  I limit his video game time to 20 minutes, and then I spend hours wasting time on the internet.  Tonight, I told him he could have 2 more jelly beans because "they aren't good for him," and then I ate a fistful.  I do things like that all.the.time.  I think if I followed the instructions I give him, then I would probably live a much healthier life.

There are so many more.  Some I will leave for a future post.  If you'd like to share, head to Holly's blog and link up your post.  If you don't have a blog, feel free to share in her comments.  Now please excuse me while I go finish Rainbow Valley.  :-)