Six Months

Six months.
How much our lives have changed in just six short months...

As we were watching a video of Jude today while we were supposed to be doing school, Caleb and I both began to cry.  As I held him, he told me, "Mommy, I don't want my brother to grow up in heaven.  I don't want to wait my whole life to see him again."

I read this today:

"If God had told me some time ago that He was about to make me as happy as I could be in this world, and then had told me that He should begin by crippling me in arm or limb, and removing me from all my usual sources of enjoyment, I should have thought it a very strange mode of accomplishing His purpose.  And yet, how is His wisdom manifest even in this!  For if you should see a man shut up in a closed room, idolizing a set of lamps and rejoicing in their light, and you wished to make him truly happy, you would begin by blowing out all his lamps; and then throw open the shutters to let in the light of Heaven."

-Samuel Rutherford, as quoted by Joni Eareckson Tada

in O Love That Will Not Let me Go by Nancy Guthrie

Joni goes on to write: 

Suffering makes us want to go to heaven.  Broken homes and broken hearts crush our illusion that earth can keep its promises;  that it can really satisfy.  Only the hope of Heaven can truly move our passions off the world - which God knows could never fulfill us anyway - and place them where they will find their glorious fulfillment.

Someday we will see more clearly why God chose to fulfill His purpose for Jude's life in just 67 days instead of 67 years.  In the meantime, it is my hope and prayer that we will allow the Lord to fulfill His purpose in ours...however many years remain.  And, I thank God for how He has used our littlest to point our hearts towards our true Home.

Thank you for praying for us.  Would you please pray specifically for Caleb?  He seems to be struggling more lately.

Jude and Caleb on Speedboats (by Caleb)

His Room

After three months of waiting,

we began the process of taking our baby boy's nursery down,

and we put away most of his things.

It was incredibly difficult.
But, the same God who walked us through the unknowns last summer as we created it,
carried us as we took apart the crib, packed up the clothes, and stored the memories in a chest.
And, the same God who was writing the story when we took the crib down the first time,
will continue to show us all the goodness of His plan.
Our dreams are in His hands.


These words, this song, and the verses below are meaning a lot to me tonight:

You have kept count of my tossings;

put my tears in your bottle.

Are they not in your book?

Psalm 56:8

 "For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
   neither are your ways my ways,”

declares the LORD. 

Psalm 55:8

Five Months

This beautiful little guy would have turned five-months-old today.

As I look at this photo (one I thought I had lost),

I so want to kiss that sweet little nose...that lovable face.

As I look at others,

I can still feel the weight of his body in my arms...

and the feel of his skin as I held him.

I'm grateful for that.

They say that grief looks differently for everyone.

Right now, it looks like smudges from kisses on the glass of two picture frames.

It looks like a pile of lego guys, parachutes, candy and even a gun given to a baby brother.

And, it looks like an ever-growing list of examples of God's faithfulness to us.

p.s. Tomorrow morning starts the Hello Mornings challenge.

It isn't too late to join if you'd like to join our Facebook group.

Embracing the Camera

Last weekend, I found some photos of Jude that I thought

I had lost or accidentally erased...including some favorites.

It was so very good for my heart to find them.

I am sharing this one that Brandon took for Embrace the Camera today.

If you haven't checked out Emily's blog,

she encourages moms to get out from behind the camera occasionally.
It's pretty much every Thursday.

Check it out here: