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Jude would have turned eighteen months today.

There are so many things I am missing about him tonight.

I miss the way he smelled

and his sweet little tape-covered cheek when I kissed it. 

I miss the way his fingers squeezed mine

and his beautiful, beautiful eyes.

I miss how he loved his back rubbed

and the angry face he made when the nurses did something he didn't like.

I miss how he fell asleep so peacefully when we were holding him.

I can still feel the weight of my baby in my arms.

I so look forward to the day when I get to hold him again.

Every good and perfect gift is from above,

coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights,

who does not change like shifting shadows.

James 1:17